As we approach the second anniversary of Jordan’s death, I want to write about the astonishing and achingly beautiful experience of spreading Jordan’s ashes.
Our home on Okanagan Lake is a place Jordan loved very much and where he spent many hours swimming, water-skiing, fishing, sailing, and kayaking with his siblings and cousins. Over the weekend of August 18, 2018, my children, my siblings, and their families gathered at our lakehouse to honor Jordan and scatter his ashes. We were expecting hot summer weather. Instead, the Okanagan Valley that day was cool, the sun obscured by the smoke and ash of several large forest fires nearby.
The lake was turbulent all day but began calming down around 6 pm. As we headed to the boat, each of my children and my siblings received a small box of Jordan’s ashes that was mixed with white rose petals. We drifted into the smoky fog listening to Jordan’s favourite songs and were suprised to observe we were the only boat on the water on an August summer evening. The unusual stillness of the lake combined with the misty smoke and fog from the forest fires seemed especially fitting for this very sacred ritual!
Each family group took turns walking to the front of the boat and scattering a box of Jordan’s ashes on the lake. The white powder of his ashes took many beautiful dancing forms as they spread across the water. After several minutes, the only thing remaining were majestic trails of white rose petals on the water.
I read these comforting words from the poet, David Whyte:
Losses that have hurt you…
“You can make yourself big enough to hold whatever losses are necessary to live out a human life. But more importantly, you have an understanding that those losses are absolutely and actually necessary for an ordinary human life. And that you’d never come to the full understanding and flowering of your gifts in this world without understanding that you are part of this long and incredible farewell that every human being participates in: You will say goodbye to others, they will say goodbye to you.
If you know that, then not only do you have a larger and more compassionate understanding of what you are involved with with human beings and therefore can work with them in a more generous and understanding manner, but you also have an understanding of a central dynamic that will make your work more artful and more realistic and more beautifully precise in the world.” ~ David Whyte
Rest in peace, my sweet Jordan. xo
Matthew 5:4 Blessed are those who mourn; for they shall be comforted.