Today, February 1, 2018, marks 2 months since Jordan’s untimely death. It feels like an eternity to have been away from him this long!
Friends are joining us in lighting white candles today as we re-member Jordan as a precious son and family member.
I am learning a lot about the sorrow and the joy of deep grief.
We picked up Jordan’s ashes, wrapped them in his baby blanket, and brought them home recently. This has been strangely comforting.
I miss Jordan’s presence very much. I also feel deep peace and relief that his struggles are over. The worst for me is that I feel like I am forgetting the sound of his voice and his big 1,000 watt smile. I miss his sweet, “Goodnight, Mama, I love you” nightly benediction when he was fully present. I am trying to hold in my memory the essence of his kind and intelligent and sensitive spirit and leave all those moments of chaos and terror behind.
Eckhart Tolle’s words keep ringing in my head—“the acceptance of what is…”
My family and I have been overwhelmed by the outpouring of emails, phone calls, texts, cards, letters, food, and donations made in Jordan’s name. Heartfelt thanks to our family, friends, and colleagues for your amazing kindness and generosity shown to us in so many ways over these two long months.
Janice M. Bell
